This Is Who We Are
by Solluxander Captor
Summary: What do the Beta Trolls feel in the most frightening, depressing, heart-breaking, or saddening moments of their lives? What are their greatest fears, and can they overcome them?
1. Aradia

Is this what it means to be blank?

I don't breathe anymore. I don't feel anymore. I only see what cannot be seen. I cannot hate. I cannot love. I am no longer who I once was. I have been wiped clean of emotion, mind, and life.

I once knew how to live. I loved and hated as a living being should have; I had everything good going for me, until I was bitten by a spider's child. She used my own love against me, turning me into what I am now. She killed me.

My name is Aradia Megido, and I am dead, killed by my own best friend and matesprit. I now know what it means to die inside, and now I can never truly recover.

It is said that time heals wounds, but who heals time's wounds?


	2. Tavros

I am so very frightened by Vriska.

Actually, it's her praise I'm afraid of, because that always means she's trying to manipulate me or hurt me. I wish that I had more confidence, because then maybe I could keep Vriska from hurting any of our friends.

She always tells me that my confidence is bad, and I listen to her.

I'm not sure if she likes me, hates me, or feels nothing for me. Maybe I should have been matesprits with Gamzee when I had the chance.

My name is Tavros Nitram, I'm currently dead in a dream bubble, a pirate on Vriska's ship. Vriska's the one who killed me. Gamzee tried to bring me back to life.

Nobody pays attention to the wind unless it's strong. And I'm not strong.


	3. Sollux

Everything I love dies.

I killed my first matesprit, who was also my moirail. Nobody blamed me, but I still knew it was my fault. If I had been stronger, then maybe I could have stopped Vriska.

I sent a program to who I considered my best friend, after my moirail died, which he ran. He cursed us all. If I didn't rub my programming skills in his face, maybe most of my friends wouldn't be dead.

My second matesprit, after watching her ex-moirail knock me out, tried to autispice between us. She was killed too. If I hadn't fought him, then she wouldn't have died.

I have since then learned not to grow attached to anything or anyone, for I know that they will die.  
My name is Sollux Captor, and I'm half dead.

I am the Mage of Doom, and Doom is what I bring to those who count.


	4. Karkat

It hurts so much.

My moirail broke up with me because he felt like he couldn't hold up the relationship, but, really, he was doing a perfect job. I now am scarred on the inside, and scared, because I know I can't hold him back from embracing his rage.

I'm still so pale for him, and I can tell he is too, but he's causing so much hurt to me. He's even the kimesis of the girl who I want to fill my flushed and calignous quadrants. Her quadrants are full now. It doesn't matter, though. I deserve the pain.

After all, I myself caused everything to die.

My name is Karkat Vantas, and I have no quadrants filled. My moirail broke up with me, a clown who has his calignous quadrant filled by my quadrant crush.

The blood that runs through me doesn't deserve to live, so why should I have a life?


	5. Nepeta

The person I love isn't flushed for me back.

My feelings for him are so wild, and I ship the two of us so hard, but I know that next to none of my quadrants will be filled.

I have a moirail who I fear. I shouldn't fear him, right? I've never met him; I know he's a blue blood who is obsessive about the hemospectrum. He would reprimand me if he knew that the boy I love will not tell me his blood color.

I draw my ships on my wall with blood. Is it not a beautiful thing?

Some people I hate myself for shipping; I do not know why I even do it. My friends aren't the people from any story. I know if they saw my wall, they would be stunned, and shocked that I watched them so closely with all their supposedly hidden feelings displayed brightly in my cave under my moirail's house.

My name is Nepeta Leijon, a hopeless and senseless romantic with feeling for a lost cause.

I have so much heart, but that heart is unloved.


	6. Kanaya

They do not realize that they are the ones causing their own demise.

They are the ones who let Gamzee get sober. It is not my fault.

Rose let herself get drunk. It is not my fault.

Eridan needed to be killed. He was a threat to the rest of us. It is not my fault.

Karkat cursed us all. He sentenced us to our deaths.  
It is not my fault.

My name is Kanaya Maryam, and my friends will be the end of us.

The space that is I is so full of regret, and I must find no fault with myself, or I would die by my own hand.

* * *

**Oh my... iit2 a dreaded author2 note.**

**...**

**eh.**

**II just wanted you all to know that iif thii2 ii2 OOC, ii really dont know KN's per2onaliity that well. 2o good day two you all! Except for you, ED.  
**

**Al2o... ii liike con2tructiive comment2.**


	7. Terezi

I just guess nobody can really understand me.

I thought the spider did, but she blinded me, a curse and a gift. Of course I got my sweet revenge.

I thought the cherry-blood did, but he had doubts about our love. He now regrets me ending our love.

I thought the cool-kid did, but he was too... cool. I never should have found love in somebody who can not love properly.

In the end, everybody left me. Or, I left them.

Even my Kimesis.

He he he.

My name is Terezi Pyrope, and I do not worry.

Justice will be served to those who did not understand my mind.


	8. Vriska

Wait, I'm supposed to writing about my problems.

My problems.

Hahahahahahahaha!

What problems?

I'm perfect!

My name is Vriska Serket, and I can't believe that people think there is something wrong with me!

My light is brighter than anything they can show me!


	9. Equius

The best thing that ever happened to me was my death.

The highblood finally started to act like the culler he was meant to be, killing the lower bloodcastes.

Finally, everything in my abnormal life was making sense, I was being murdered.

I died, but I died laughing.

My moirail may have died trying to avenge me, but she was killed too. The highblood was finally a proper highblood without mercy.

But sometimes.

I wonder.

Was I really supposed to die? Let Nepeta die? Was I being STRONG, or was I weak? I do not know anymore. I let myself die, though. Was that strong? Was it strong? Was I strong?

My name is Equius Zahhak, and I'm dead in a dreambubble.

I am the void between strength and weakness; there is no place for me.


	10. Gamzee

All the wicked colors are swimming in my mind.

honk.

The colors of my friends' blood. I wonder if I should take it, especially the miracle blood red of Karbro. So bright.

HONK.

He's my best bro, but that doesn't mean that I can't paint with just a little...

honk.

No, I can't. He would never forgive me.

HONK.

But I am the two messiahs... Karbro couldn't refuse... what is a little blood on the hands, anyway? It's not like I'm gonna cull him...

honk.

That's right... I could paint my wicked pictures... he could paint them with me...

HONK.

honk.

HONK.

honk.

My name is Gamzee Makara, and I'm about to welcome Karbro to the Dark Carnival.

My rage comes from the twin wicked lights within me, and nobody can deny me anything.


	11. Eridan

Fef doesn't love me, and Sol doesn't hate me.

I don't know what happened to my life, but I can tell that I messed something up. I used to have the most quadrants filled, now, none of them are. I probably shouldn't have killed all those people.

Maybe I can fix it with Fef, at least. But Sol is nagging at the back of my mind, telling me to shut up and leave Fef alone. Of course she picked the lowblood before me.

Nobody wants me.

I'm trying to live, if you can call being Erisolsprite living.

Personally, I think that I'm dying. Sol agrees with me.

My name is Eridan Ampora, and I want to cull myself. When does my misery end?

I have lost all hope in finding myself, much less somebody who won't reject me in the end.


	12. Feferi

I should have learned that the lowbloods aren't just my pets.

I was ignorant to the world, not caring who lived or died on our planet besides a small group of friends- or pets, in my past self's mind. I thought we could live forever.

Then the Vast Glub came, wiping out my entire race. I didn't care, though. I kept on playing the game with my friends.

After the game ended, I even formed a relationship in the few hours I had with a lowblood. Still, he was just a pet.

Then I died by my old moirails hand. I can see everything that occurs in the new session.

And.

I tell myself.

Why did I have to be so ignorant?

My name is Feferi Peixes, and I cannot speak, I could not think.

There was never true life within my soul.


End file.
